I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
