i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
