I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize