you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
