remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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