i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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