Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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