you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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