the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
