Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
