She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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