please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
