i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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