My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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