Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
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