I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
