Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
