I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
