You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
