You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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