i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
