when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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