In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
