I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
