So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
