when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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