this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
