Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
how drunk are you?
Several
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
