my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
