at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
