you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
