While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
