are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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