I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
