and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
