She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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