I've blown a few things in my day
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
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Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
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I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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