we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
