my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
