I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
