What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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