Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
