Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
