My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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