They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
