I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
