He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
