I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
