The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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