cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
