fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
