I wish my penis had an off switch
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
