"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think people are normalizing furries
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
