Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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