i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just high enough for therapy.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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