He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
