theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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