In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
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