I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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