Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
