I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
