I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
