i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
