Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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