I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
