I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
