why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My feet surprised me
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
