Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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