So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
