i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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