the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize