when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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