thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Randomize