Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
