we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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