I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am one with the molecules
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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