so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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