I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize