I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
