8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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