hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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