I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
