You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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